I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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