She said her name was "party"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
