i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
