I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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