Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize