Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
