apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
bring money and cleavage
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
