So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh god it's open bar.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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