He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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