Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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