4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
