Jerry, you need to find god
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize