As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
