My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
