Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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