you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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