Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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