He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
