Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
