4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
