thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
