are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
