I wish I only lived at night.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
