so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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