just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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