Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
