what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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