Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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