You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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