is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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