You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
