I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
