I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
