I bet he comes in French.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize