R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
