I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
