sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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