considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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