just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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