I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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