She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
