Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
