I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
