Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I am morally bankrupt
birth control should be required to get into college
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
