i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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