Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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