I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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