Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
