Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
