I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
