my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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