I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
