So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
