I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
