does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
