I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
