the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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