you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
