The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
