You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize