she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
