My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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