Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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