Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
