I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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