so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
