Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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