BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wish my penis had a tongue
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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