So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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