i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
