Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
