I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
even my farts smell like vagina
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I will pee on everything he values.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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