It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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