whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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